“It’s not what you said.. it’s how you said it”
If only I had a nickel for every time I heard it, I’d be a millionaire.. and if I had a nickel for every time I said it to someone else... I’d be a freaking billionaire.!!
No kidding.
Usually it’s the intention people have in their hearts that matters.. or so we’re told.. but in reality.. the words.. they set the bar on a pretty high level if not higher.!
The times I have hurt people.. and the times I have been hurt.. it’s not the forsaken intention that I remember.. It’s the words.. of yesterdays, today(s) and the tomorrows... the raw, refined, elevating, belittling.. the good, the bad, the best & the worst.
Being the educated millennials that we are, we sure don’t hesitate to act like Neanderthals in heated moments, not having control, just some metaphorical nonsense flying all over the place which becomes impossible to clean up after.
Talking of intentions...
Out of all the people in our life.. our parents have the best intentions for us.. right? Undeniable, unshakeable and always growing.. and being an Indian kid.. the effect of a broom or a belan is not lost on any of us..lol
It has shaped us into what we are now (emphasis on *belan*).. but the fear of getting scolded is still there.. even after 29 years when I’m 900 kms away from them *flashback to all the flying chappals*.
The middle class background which most of us belong to.. we fight, stop talking to each other.. then we start talking again.. there has never been any addressal. We don’t apologise to our siblings.. because maybe we never felt the need to do it?
I DO NOT hesitate in saying the words in anger.. O Man do they come on a roll.!! But while apologising, it feels like IT-is-stuck-in-my-gut... the drama of it all. The words.. either they are too big for a small action...
Or too small for an even smaller action..!
Especially a word so small and big at the same time.. SORRY.
Everybody is facing a different struggle different day. Just the freaking metamorphosis is same.
In addition to it, almost everybody plays old fights, arguments, apologies in their minds even after years have passed and think of better comebacks or better ways they could’ve dealt with it.. Why after 5 or so years..? Why not then only?
Why go through this cycle again and again.. it’s not some darn rite of passage.! And even if it is.. I’m guessing once is enough.
But watching what you speak isn’t easy either.. it comes with another stigma of being called fake, manipulative and so on.. it’s like there is no winning right? How do you justify either of the behaviour.. It kept me up so many nights.. lost at both ends.. until I realised not long ago..
Words matter.. but I get to choose which ones.
Call out a person for their bull-shit all you want.. just make sure the conversation is not such.. In the heat of the moment it might not matter.. but when that storm fades.. the amount to pay the piper is a hell lot.!
One thing I’ve realised a little too late.. I cannot make everyone happy... even for my kind words, people are gonna have some not-so-kind ones. I cannot stop them!.
However, if this works out, it’d be such a liberation from the prison of my own mind where I keep feeding the words(theirs or mine) and thoughts and watch them grow and rise.. and get back at me.. while dusting off my mental health to nothing..
It is so tragic, that my mental health depends not on me, but on the words of people who might not even care.. they might just be lashing out in the anger of their own struggle, but it all fell on me.. and I took it all.. like an IDIOT.!
When I have chosen to watch the words that come out of my mouth, I sure do have a responsibility of choosing the words that go into my mind.
However hard it might be, however times it has to be started again... The only thing in my control is which ones I pay heed to.. Sure, it’ll take a lot of streamlining and practice.. but it should be worth it right? I hope so.. I’m still in the early stage and I can tell you it’s no smooth sail and I’m definitely not gliding through it.
All of it is important.. the words we feed to others and the words we feed to ourselves.. and we cannot compensate one for the other. We’re living in desperate times where frustration and depression is as common as a common cold; getting worked up over a water-ring on a table is plausible because believe it or not, I’ve cried over it!
When at time, we cannot offer anything else, even kindness seems to be such a big deal. And when sometimes, it seems nearly impossible, how about we say nothing at all and just listen maybe?
Be there and listen to the other person vent out, or yell, or cry..
After all.. it’s mere words right?
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